Happy Birthday Reagan!

Dear Reagan,

Happy Birthday! You are a whole year old! I know you won’t remember this year, but I will never forget it. I will never forget holding you in my arms the day you were born. I will never forget seeing you smile at six weeks old for the very first time. I will never forget the sweet sound of your laugh or how it shakes your whole body. I will never forget your first wobbly steps. I will never forget those wet kisses you gave or those perfect hugs. I will never forget the pure bliss in rocking you fast asleep.

I will never forget how you completely transformed me, how you made me a mother.

Reagan, I won’t say that this year has been easy. It hasn’t. There were times that were tough, times that I cried with you, times when I didn’t think I could do it. But I think that is motherhood. It isn’t always pretty, but somehow it is always beautiful. And this year has been so beautiful.

The joy surrounding our family since the day you were born has been immeasurable. You shine, Reagan. You give off a light that brightens the world around you. (Appropriately, this weekend we are throwing you a “Sunshine” first birthday party — you are our little sunshine).

I keep trying to put into words what being your mother has meant to me. It is so hard to capture that love in words. Sure, it is unconditional, but it is more than that. It is a feeling of vulnerability because I can’t imagine a world without you. It is a feeling of strength because I would give my life to protect you. It is a feeling of pride because everything you do amazes me. It is a feeling of belonging because you are mine.

Today, as I approached the house, I saw you in the window waving your little hand as fast as it could go, bouncing up and down, and smiling the biggest smile at me. That, right there, is the best feeling in the world – I never had that before I had you. Thank you for loving me. I hope you know that forever and always, no matter what, I love you.

Happy Birthday, sweet Reagan.

xoxoxo
Mom